Pants 0. Shit 1.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
