He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
