Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you had me at cake vodka
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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