I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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