I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
