Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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