apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
