i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
