Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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