Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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