i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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