some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
