Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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