Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
