Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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