Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
