you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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