Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
