honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
