i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
