Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
