I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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