I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
