what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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