Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
