woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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