I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
