used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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