I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
