There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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