I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't deserve a penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
