Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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