she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
