if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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