you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
