she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
