i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
