I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
