Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
