can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
