I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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