drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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