Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
