I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
