Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
