shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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