i just made my gag reflex go away.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
