"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
