You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's shark week go big or go home
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
