I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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