I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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