im drinking this country out of the recession.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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