im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
