Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
