the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
