She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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