Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
