Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
