sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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