Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
