Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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