end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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