11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
