So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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