This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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