We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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