he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
