Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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